During last night's run, I was blathering to Heather about how bad last Friday's run had been. Because of the holiday weekend, Brian and I were the only ones out that night. It was cold and rainy and my legs felt like lead. I got about a mile and just felt like I could not run any more. I walked the rest of the way holding my beloved's hand, which was lovely, but I was already wrestling with The Fear.
The Fear (oh yes, it's got a proper name) is that instant worry when I have a bad run that I will never have a good run again. I always have that negative thought of "This is it. This is exactly how far you managed to get, and now you will never get any better. You've peaked, and now we're on the downhill slope."
Let's be frank - a LOT of my motivation in life is born of fear. I work hard because no matter how stable my job may seem, I'm always scared I could be fired or laid off. Anything I sew or make has to be as perfect as possible because I cannot deal with criticism - I am AFRAID of it.
But the upside is that I have somehow cobbled my various neuroses into a pretty productive method of getting things done. So, at least I'm not PARALYZED with fear, right?
Anyway, the comedy in all this is that so far, The Fear has always been el wrongo. I always manage to get back to my regular run. So far. But there's no telling when The Fear will come true! So I have to keep pushing. Gotta be vigilant. Can't let The Fear win.
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Eleanor Roosevelt said "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." You constantly amaze me with all the wonderful things you challenge yourself with woman!
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